Believe

I think I'm gonna call myself a runner. Today was a good run day - nothing can take that away from you either. While it was a taper weekend and we only did 8, I basically ran all 8 with only 2 short walk breaks on a couple hills up to Eden Park. I set a goal of 1:30 and I met it. I knew I had come a long way when the group that is usually in their cars and half way home by the time I finish were just a few minutes ahead of me. It was 29 degrees when we started at 7:30am. It was so cold I had frost growing on my top and I dared not to try and lick my chapped lips for the fear that my tongue might stick to them. As I was coming down Eggelston to Pete Rose Way, I remembered the last time we ran that route, it was our 10-miler several Saturdays ago and I was begging God to give me just enough to get back to the Boathouse. Today I hit that spot and I looked up and said thank you for believing in me and taking me so very far.

Was That My Life? Jo Dee Messina
I don't wanna be the one who's old before their time
And lose the wonder that I felt as a child.
I can't run this race believing I might lose
There's still so much to see, so much left to do.
Yes I'll fall before I fly
But no one can say I never tried.
Oh we just get one ride around the sun
In this dream of time.
It goes so fast
And one day we look back
And we ask...was that my life?

Sweet Sixteen

3:28 including 6 water stops, 3 Shot Bloks, 4 Motrin, 0 bathroom breaks, and 4:1 intervals. Nothing but sunshine and positive thoughts. Something had to change. 14 was &^!! and I was determined 16 wasn't going to get the best of me. Life's kinda like that - keep putting the same thing into it, you'll keep getting the same thing back. If you are not willing to make changes, you really can't complain about what life is giving you. Granted, I'm not exempt from complaining and you'll hear me do it again I'm sure but you won't ever see me settle for what the landscape looks like today if I know I don't want to see it again tomorrow and the next day, and so on. Change is hard and it doesn't happen overnight. I wasn't anywhere close to calling myself a runner back in the summer when I signed up for this and after 3+ hard but rewarding months, I'm getting close to calling myself one.

"I know that the only person I will ever have to outrun is the person I used to be. More than that, I have learned just how far I was from who I wanted to be. And from the day of that realization, every step has taken me closer to the person I am trying to become."
John "The Penguin" Bingham.

Simple, profound, true.

Tomorrow marks the official 60 day mark until my marathon. 60 days... Tonight I was running on the treadmill - for hopes that giving myself a break from the hard pavement would help me this week - and as I was getting bored I started imagining myself crossing the finish line. What I will do, what I will say, who I will see. And, then I thought - oh my gosh - what if my family and friends don't see me cross the finish line? What if they miss me or what if there is someone like Katie Holmes that steals my spotlight? Granted, this is not the NY City Marathon and celebraties will not be likely but I get bored on a treadmill and my mind wonders. Oh, and I just love it (not) when someone asks me if I heard Katie Holmes just did the NY City Marathon in 5:30. Let's do a reality check here people - personal trainer, housekeeper, yard guy, and Tom Cruise waiting at the finish line. Girlfriend should have done better than a mere 12.69 mile with those resources. Moving on...

I completed 10 of our 12 mile run this past Saturday. My left knee - which oddly enough it is always my right knee that bothers me - started having shooting pain in the back and I cut the route short and walked it in w/ another teammember. As we were walking in I was telling him how I just get so frustrated by the constant pain and how I'm working hard and showing up for everything - and, he's like...Debra, you just need to have fun. Simple, profound, true. It's not like I'm going to set any records (other than my own) and I really think I've trained well enough to not ride the bus to the finish line. I just need to relax. I just need to chill. I just need to enjoy the scenery. I just need to be proud of what I'm accomplishing and say to $#!! with the rest of it.

Small Favors. Big Blessings.

OK, so my last post was pretty much a pitty party and as they say, those parties are generally low in attendance. So, this post is an effort to look past the aches and pains of my personal situation and be thankful for the small favors, which sometimes bring big, and unexpected, blessings. Here's my list:

• I'm thankful for my own personal running group that formed during my run on Saturday. One of my coaches stuck w/ me the entire 14 miles, my friend Stacey joined me for the last 1/2, and a random TNT alum, Kelsey, who was out for her Saturday morning run turned around and joined us for the last 3 or 4. It was kinda like the scene from Forrest Gump where he takes off running across the country and people just keep joining the group. Run Forrest! Run! Life really is like a box of chocolates...you just never know what you are gonna get.
• I'm thankful for Zach and the cozy running outfit he got me for my birthday because I will be so much warmer this weekend.
• I'm thankful for the adorable pink gloves and hat that Stacey got me, because not only will I be warmer - I will be stylin (and, I promise I won't wipe my runny nose on them).
• I'm thankful that my sister bought me an iPod for Christmas 2 years ago, although at the time I really wanted to take it back and get a digital camera. My iPod has become one of my best running partners.
• I'm thankful that I am able to run and that my issues of waking up and going out into the cold have nothing to do w/ chemo or a hospital visit. I'm thankful that my son is healthy and that I'm not the parent that has to sit by their child's bedside wondering if this breath will be his last.

In everything...give thanks.

Tough Reminders

14. They all seem long at this point. What's another 1, 2, 3, etc. miles. That's how I feel today. There won't be any encouraging quotes or funny quips. The truth of the matter is, I'm hurting. And, I can't honestly remember the last time I didn't. I know the minute I try to get up from my chair after writing this, I'll cringe from something in my hip, knee, foot, shin - basically any lower extremity. There's a constant reminder in my body somewhere always screaming at me. I wake up throughout the night and have to strategize how to turn over or remind myself not to stretch out something wrong or it might snap. I want so badly to succeed at this and I've worked really hard to try to follow the rules, stick w/ the program, invest in the right things, and show up wherever I'm suppose to be. But, there was never any promise made to me that this would be easy or pain-free either. And, I'm not a mentally tough person. Contrary to what some may believe...it's not how I'm wired. It's sometimes who I have to be though. If I've ever had a moment of wanting to give up over the last 12 weeks, it was this weekend.

Strength in Numbers

14. 39. It seems like every double-digit I encounter lately scares me. Perhaps this is a personal issue I should have come to terms with before I signed up to do a marathon. 39 wasn't so bad, so I'm sure 14 will be just fine. It was an interesting day yesterday - my number 39. I had 6 voice mail messages that included personal renditions of "happy birthday". I think people really must love me or...maybe they don't? :-)

I didn't do 2 of my short runs this week - trying to heal shin splints before tomorrow. I did do some crosstraining though, nothing that included a knife, fork, or cake however. My friend Stacey is joining me for half of my 14 mile run tomorrow. I'm so excited! She keeps telling me that she's not in long-run/marathon condition and I keep reminding her that I'm not the speed racer that she is either. She has quite the (good) reputation amongst the local running circle. 7-8 miles at my pace will probably be like a jog around the block for her.

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face... The danger lies in refusing to face the fear, in not daring to come to grips with it... You must make yourself succeed every time. You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Numbers...are just numbers.